The rapist wants to take your body to satisfy his diabolical ends.
He only wants your body, but you let him take so much more.
You give him your heart, mind and soul.
You lose the ability to love because your anger is so great.
You cannot reflect because your sight is blurred by fear
You cannot believe because your faith is smothered by pain.
He only wanted to use you, but you allowed him to brake you.
If maintain the countanence of your true being, your body will be no filthier than the day you were born.
It is the rapists body that is spent, abused and diseases by his abominable acts.
His Heart is Dim like Dirt
His mind a rusted apparatus of lasciviousness.
His soul an inky black depth of treacherous oil that pollutes the sea of society.
Be strong and embrace those dear to you, for they have remained, the rapist has fled never to return.
Love those that love you!
Reflect on what is true!
Believe in what you may!
Even if you don't believe in heaven you might find yourself praying that there is a hell where the inky soul of the rapist will burn, that he may suffer what he tried to inflict on you: A Fate Worse Than Death.
The rapist is nothing.
Stay strong,never give in.
Rating changed for mature themes
-Meshugenah
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Monument, June here!
Haven't seen you around much.
I've missed reading your poetry lately.
To be honest, I do not like this poem. It's a touchy subject, and my main reason for reviewing it is because I disagree with some things you said here. For instance:
Firstly, I dislike how you're using the direct "you" message here. I often go against speaking this way in poetry because when it's an open subject, you're basically telling us what we have to do; not letting us do for ourselves.
Also, in the a case like this, a victim would not be giving up their heart, would not be giving up their mind, would not be giving up their soul. These are actions that generally reflect a person/people in love, not in a case like this.
Brake refers to stopping; break refers to tearing something down. Hear, I think the right word you want to use is break.
If you, maybe?
And countenance; not countanence.
-
So, Monument,
While I think you have some decent enough images here to work with, I have to say I don't like this poem. For starting, the topic isn't enjoyable, but the way this is written feels very, very raw. Almost as if this is your sketch of what you want your poem to touch on.
I think that you should try to make this sound more like a poem-- for now, it seems like it's just your thoughts on this. I mentioned one thing above, but I have to say that there were quite a few things I didn't like about the message you sent forth.
I didn't like it, Monument, but that's just me and my preference.
Good luck writing,
June
The rapist wants to take your body to satisfy his diabolical ends.
He only wants your body, but you let him take so much more.
You give him your heart, mind and soul.
You lose the ability to love because your anger is so great.
You cannot reflect because your sight is blurred by fear
You cannot believe because your faith is smothered by pain.
He only wanted to use you, but you allowed him to brake you.
If maintain the countanence of your true being, your body will be no filthier than the day you were born.
It is the rapists body that is spent, abused and diseases by his abominable acts.
His Heart is Dim like Dirt
His mind a rusted apparatus of lasciviousness.
His soul an inky black depth of treacherous oil that pollutes the sea of society.
Be strong and embrace those dear to you, for they have remained, the rapist has fled never to return.
Love those that love you!
Reflect on what is true!
Believe in what you may!
Even if you don't believe in heaven you might find yourself praying that there is a hell where the inky soul of the rapist will burn, that he may suffer what he tried to inflict on you: A Fate Worse Than Death.
The rapist is nothing.
.......but a piec or trash
If I ever met him, I'd kick his A$$
Stay strong,never give in
Hello there!!
Okay, this was a good poem, but I must say, It made me a little uncomfortable. But, that just might be because of the subject of this poem. You had good detail and imagery, and that's good for a poem. I think that this poem was overall, pretty good. One thing I disliked though, was the fact that we (as the reader) didn't really get the view from the victim, instead, just words from what you thought. (UNLESS, your the victim, and tried to keep that to yourself, then my bad!)
Otherwise, lovely poem. Keep up the great work!!
~*Hailey,<3
Hey there Monument! Lily here and it’s time for reviewing! *jumps into the reviewmobile* AWAY!
First off, you need to remember to remain consistent throughout and you aren’t attaining this in your capitalization. All of these lines should begin with a capital letter. There are two other lines that have this problem further down. Just remember, consistency is key.
First off, this lacks punctuation at the end and it should have a period to end it off. But I don’t see the reason that so many of the words in this sentence are capitalized. If I’m missing the reason why, then feel free to scold me.
Now, I have to be a little more honest…this just doesn’t seem to tie together. There is so much to this idea and it seems very scatter brained. Remember to pick a very centralized idea and keep it simple.
Any questions, just drop me a PM.
~lilymoore